Those were the words I was thinking this morning as I attended my patient who I had developed a good rapport with over the past 56 hour work week. She was always lovely and thanked me for being lovely (even with chocolates), and I always insisted I didn't need to be thanked as I was only doing my job. I knew she appreciated my cheerfulness as she was aware I hadn't slept well due to my late/early.
At 1325 (the writing feels stained to the back of my hand) we commenced CPR on her. This was my first resuscitation, something I have dreaded all though my studies, yet somehow looked forward to it with some kind of heroic anxiety, like 'this is it! I am saving someone's life'. Of course the naive thing about this is not everyone is saved. And this was a young joyful patient, someone who made me feel like I was in the right profession. I know her kindness will stick with me forever, and I will always remember to treat my patients kindly because they are all battling and I am on their team.
RIP lovely lady, I know you are with the lord now and I pray your family is going to be ok.
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